Crush or No Crush?

For those who are well-versed with John Denver’s song “Leaving on a jet plane,” I hate to break it to you guys but this story involves a bus not a plane and a crucifyingly long journey from my hometown to the forever dull capital city of Nepal, Kathmandu. Most of us have felt, at one time or another, that gut wrenching feeling of going back to school from a fun summer vacation. No matter how badly you wanted to stay in the sound sanctuary of your home, you have to dive into your books with dedication and sincerity.

This journey soon gained momentum when the bus went crusading through the narrow, downhill roads of the southern lowland of Nepal, called the Terai. With the lack of adequate amusement parks in the country, this is where we seem to get the roller coaster experience, by racing on the highways of Terai bumping and bolting on its ditches and deformities at a NASCAR driver speed.

The anxiety of returning to classes and the anticipation of the painfully boring journey had minimized any conversation between me and my brother. However, I decided to lighten the journey by initiating a conversation with her. We talked about many things, from our favorite movies to fiction novels, finally winding down to discussing our lives, particularly how we felt about the idea of love.

The conversation soon turned into a debate and I stated, “You cannot predict when you have a crush on someone. They happen by chance”. A girl turned back and glanced at me with a murderous look. Maybe she felt we were talking about her. Maybe she could relate to our conversation because she was going through a recent crush or breakup. Maybe she was contemplating if it was true. I stared right back into her eyes and telepathically tried to convey to her that I stand by what I said. She saw that I wouldn’t withdraw from the game so, to my surprise, she mellowed down her glance. I had won the first round.

I pretended to look elsewhere. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of ignoring me. Like how men like to say, “ignore them before they ignore you”. I won the second round. She wasn’t happy. Surprisingly, I wasn’t too. Did I just have a crush on her? The dilemma filled my thoughts.

As cold wind hit my face once in a while when our bus driver decided to speed up, I felt like it was cooling my temperature that was scorching due to the intensity of our conversation and how I was feeling about the idea of what a crush really is.

I had to get some rest, so I decided to close my eyes and take a nap but failed to do so as the word “crush” bounced inside my brain. No matter how hard I tried, I kept thinking about what it meant to have a crush. All my crushes from the past came flooding back to my mind, but I failed to stay focused on one person. But the irony of the situation was that I had never been on a date. Ever!

You must be wondering if I am kidding, but no, it is what it is.

In the back of my mind, the common belief of most of friends echoed in my mind, “If you don’t go on a date till a certain age, there is something wrong with you”. My thoughts fought back, echoing, “No I am a normal person,”. My thoughts went bolder, “Stop wasting time on these stupid thoughts.” After a long battle with my thoughts I decided to resign from my job of recollecting my past crushes, which I came to the conclusion that I never really had, and got finally my much needed sleep. I had almost descended to a state of sleep, but I woke up from the screeching sound of the brakes. The bus had halted at its first stop. I looked outside the window admiring the scenic beauty of the hills, my gaze met a girl from the local village who was getting onto the bus...

- Anonymous

Continued in the next Issue...

Is a crush accidental or predictable?

Write your answers to chronicle@lincolnuca.edu (answers published next issue)